Saturday, January 22, 2011

Slow Boat to China

A friend suggested I do this because it would provide some great laughs. So, I did, and laughed!

I visited Google Maps and requested directions from Seattle, Washington to Shanghai, China. (Interestingly, I first tried San Diego, but the program rerouted me through Seattle, so I decided to start there instead... why not save me that part of a long drive!)

Anyone who has ever asked for directions from this program knows that it is common to be told to turn and then "Drive a couple hundred feet in this direction," and then "A couple hundred feet in that direction." In other words, you have to follow some very tedious instructions to get to the actual meat of the directions you requested. However, what I never expected from my latest request was absolute silliness and rather "impossible" directions. See for yourself!

I started my journey in Seattle, and after meandering around a few streets, I am finally making my way across the ocean... in a KAYAK!!! Yes, you read that correctly, Google Maps suggests that if you are going to travel across the Pacific Ocean, you should do so in a Kayak. I don't know about you, but if I am going to take a journey across a vast body of water, there is no darned way that I am going to use a kayak. But, apparently the people at Google think I should. Oh well. Any way, as you can see below in Step 8, I will kayak across for 2,756 miles.

Some of you may be thinking that 2,756 seems a little bit too small a distance to take me all the way to China, and you would be correct! This part of the trip actually takes me to Oahu. Woohoo, Hawaii!!! Nice to see that I will have a little bit of time to relax in gorgeous Hawaii. After making my way across the island, I will leave Honolulu in a kayak (again) and this time I will travel 3,879 miles (step 23).

After travelling almost 4,000 miles from Hawaii in a kayak, I would think that I would have finally made it to China (the "Chinese" characters in step 24 led me to this thought). Nope! I actually have made it to Japan! Well, at least I am almost there. So, after making my way across Japan, I will leave solid ground to make my way across the last body of water in a kayak, oops... apparently a kayak is too good for me for these last few hundred miles. Instead, I will use a jet ski (step 81)! Seriously????? OK, people at Google, do you honestly think that I will ride a jet ski from Japan to China? Really?!?!? Oh my, will I ever arrive in China? Apparently the answer is yes.

After riding a jet ski for 486 miles, I will finally make it to China. But, of course, Google Maps wants me to meander around Shanghai a little bit until I actually make it to Shanghai. Yes, you heard that correctly, after making it all the way to Shanghai, I will still have to wander around a bit until I make it to Shanghai. I don't understand it either... so don't ask.

Anyway, after 93 total steps, I have finally made it to China! Woohoo!!!

Wow, what an incredible journey! I will travel by car, kayak, and jet ski, and along the way I will visit Hawaii and Japan. Not bad!

All in all, the journey is 8,148 miles and will take me 35 days, 19 hours.

Just for fun I had the program tell me how long it would take me to get to China if I walked. Pretty much the same route with the kayaking and jet skiing. However, I would be walking through Hawaii and Japan. That trip would take me a little over 105 days. Honestly, somebody at Google is having a BLAST at his job! Gotta love the creativity.

Whoooooooo, after that long trip, I am exhausted! So... how am I going to get home?


1 comment:

Michele said...

BWAAHAHAHA. That cracked me up!